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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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