Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
