I just pynch a tree in the face
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
