On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
