Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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