I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
