He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I can't put those talents on a resume
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
