If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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