Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
