My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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