Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I could make wine with my vomit
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
