Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize