happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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