its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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