I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
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