just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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