i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
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just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
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He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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