guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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