Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
