this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im holly from the hills drunk
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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