i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
