How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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