on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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