Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
