please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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