Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
