clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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