I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.