I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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