He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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