A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
