why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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