We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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