Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
