Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
