Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I want her autograph on my taint
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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