I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
