just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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