I wish I could punch you in the face.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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