If i come over, it means nothing
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
