Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
