Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
ok first of all what the fuck
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
