I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
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