i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
