I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
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Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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