8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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