She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
