His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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