You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
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So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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