Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
