All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
