Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
