Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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