i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
