He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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