so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
