Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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