I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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