i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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