i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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