maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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