my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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