i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
