I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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