At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
