i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
