Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
